June 2018
CONTENTS
Cover Image: Let a Little Light In by Gene B.
Who Am I? by Nick H.
Scrupulosity by Angela W.
Intergroup Minutes
Announcements
Untitled by Nick H.
Missive From Mumbai by Paul D.
Three Wires by Eric D.
Cinesobrieté by Anonymous
Who Am I?
by Nick H.
I am generous and kind.
I am lazy and arrogant.
I am sensitive and empathetic.
I am fearful of responsibility and being wrong.
I am loyal and faithful.
I am selfish and inconsiderate.
I am careful and thoughtful.
I am obsessive and compulsive.
I am forgiving and loving.
I am funny and child-like.
I am stubborn and willful.
I am creative and intuitive.
I am easily distracted and lack focus or direction.
I am courageous and open-minded.
I am reluctant to accept a compliment or receive criticism.
I am intelligent and a seeker of knowledge.
I am anxious and melancholy.
I am as sick as my secrets keep me and as free as I am willing
to be honest.
I am human and divinely-fashioned.
I am me.
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Scrupulosity
by Angela W.
Scrupulosity is pathological guilt regarding moral or religious issues. It is personally distressing, objectively dysfunctional, and often accompanied by significant impairment in social functioning. It is typically a moral or religious form of obsessive-compulsive disorder. The term derives from the Latinscrupulum, a sharp stone, implying a stabbing pain on the conscience.
Scrupulosity brings to mind the scene in DaVinci Code where Silas, the albino monk, a devotee of the Catholic organization Opus Dei, practices severe corporal mortification by flogging himself over a perceived shortcoming. My addict carries a figurative whip. I am a slave driver to myself. I am decidedly harsher on myself than on my staff. For instance, I used to make myself wait to go to the bathroom—just one more task, and then one more—until I was about to burst. One of my bottom lines today is to go to the bathroom as soon as I feel the urge. This is much healthier for my mind and body because it literally relieves the pressure.
I am also similar to Silas because I punish myself for making mistakes. My addict practices SHAME: Should Have Already Mastered Everything. As I now see it, this is my ego. Whereas other people deserve an opportunity to learn how to do things they never did before, I’m supposed to know how to do everything, intuit all the answers, without training or experience to guide me. When I remind myself that it is okay to make mistakes, that I am allowed an opportunity to learn, that I’m no better or worse than anyone else, then I have a chance to stop practicing scrupulosity.
Finally, I’m similar to Silas in that I sometimes get rigid in following my recovery program. While it is optimal to set up structure, including meetings, prayer and meditation, step work, sponsors, sponsees, and many other tools, I need to be alert regarding perfectionistic tendencies.
Recovery is supposed to give me a life, not be my life.
— AA slogan
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Greater Chicago/Milwaukee SLAA Intergroup
Meeting Minutes
Saturday, April 21, 2018
Attendance
Officer Reports
Fiduciary
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Revenue: $317.42
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Expenses: $1194.40
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Current balance less prudent reserve: $3603.03
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There was a question about the monthly balance – clarity will be sought from Paul D
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Fiduciary report approval postponed until May
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Chair
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Website updates
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A new homepage image was added to the IG website
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The newsletter is now located under the “Literature” tab
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A donation tab was added to the homepage
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The “Service” tab was removed
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Outreach
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Fundraising event idea: auction for services and goods given by SLAA members
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Hannah made a form for members to complete
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Anthony believes IG is in a financial state that justifies sending a 2nd delegate to the annual SLAA business meeting.
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After ABM expenses, IG will still be in the black financially
- $1800 will be needed for summer retreat, and $1600 needed for 2nd ABM delegate (1st delegate already paid for)
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Motion to approve 2nd delegate at $1600
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Y – 6, N – 0, A – 0. Motion passes
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A new version of the “40 Questions” was suggested to replace the current version on IG website. Also suggested was the addition of disclaimer language informing that the 40 Questions is not a professional tool and not conference approved.
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Motion to approve postponed until next month to give members time to review and consider
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New SLAA meeting at Insight treatment center going well
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Several people have volunteered to be of service to the meeting
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Intent is to make the meeting open by June, 2018
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Newcomers are attending
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In-reach
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Motion to approve March IG meeting minutes
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Y – 6, N – 0, A – 0. Motion passes.
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No newsletter draft sent to IG – Vince will follow up with Gene
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Two people have volunteered to be content editors for newsletter
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Summer retreat
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Poll via email and at meeting regarding best date: Aug 10-12 or Labor Day weekend
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Old Business
New Business
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Fall Gathering: co-chairs needed
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Vince will co-chair in 2018
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Announcements for IG Meeting Representatives
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Seeking more IG reps from groups that have none
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Poll about retreat dates
Next Meeting
Saturday, May 19 at 8am at St. Hedwig
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Announcements
for the Good of SLAA
SLAA Online text-only chat recovery fellowship and meetings – as an additional resource in SLAA recovery.
slaaonline.org
slaaonline@yahoo.com
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by Paul D.
NOTE: This column documents the experience of a program member who was sent overseas for job training. At one point during his sojourn, he remarked that his goal was to not just white-knuckle this trip, muddling through until he got home to safety. He wanted this to be a chance to actually work an even better program, to look the disease square in the face and improve his sobriety. Part of his recovery plan was to email a group of about fifteen program members on a daily, sometimes twice-daily basis. It’s a fly-on-the-wall look at how program principles can be woven into the mundane elements of a life.
Good morning. I'm still tired this morning, but as usual, getting going helps me to wake up. I'm really looking forward to sleeping in my own bed in 2 1/2 weeks! I'm grateful that I'm sober today and looking forward to making my weekly group therapy phone meeting in an hour or so. I'd like to grab a quick breakfast this morning before jumping on the bus and heading off to training. After work I will come back to the hotel, call my wife, make a phone meeting, and do some recovery reading. I'm grateful also that the temptation to just zone out on my computer or my tablet is almost totally absent. There have been a few times when I'll spend some time catching up on the news or playing a game and after a bit I'll realize that I need to put it down and do something else. Not that there's anything wrong with reading the news or playing games. It's just that I don't want to get back in the habit of spending too much time in front of a screen. As much as I'd like to have a smart phone sometimes, it is nice to not have the temptation to spend hours staring at it obsessing over all the apps I have installed or worrying about yet another door that leads to acting out.
Someone mentioned recently that my emails are getting shorter and seem less anxious. I am very grateful for this observation and the truth of that statement. I feel like I've learned a lot in the last month about doing the little things along the way that help me stay sober. It's nothing huge that has been the key but rather one right decision at a time that helps me course correct my recovery so that I don't find myself in a position where I've gotten way off track (like I did during my relapse of 2013/2014) and have to make major changes. I'm grateful for the gentleness of recovery and for the encouragement and support I've gotten along the way. I'm grateful for the little gifts of awareness and the ability to surrender to the process that continually chip away at my ego. I'm grateful that God has brought all of you into my life as men who understand where I've been and who have tons of experience, strength, and hope to share. Thank you so much. Well, I'm going to give my wife a call and then dial in for group. Thanks for listening.
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Cinesobrieté
Forrest: What's my destiny momma?
Momma: You have to figure that out for yourself.
–Forrest Gump
Sometimes I just wish someone would tell me exactly what to do, how to feel, what to say, how to live. Let’s just suppose that for today, I get it, I’m an addict, I don’t know what’s best for me, I’ve got a thinking disease, I can’t do it alone. So, how about a little help, huh? I’m willing today to turn my life and will over to the care of my higher power. So why the noodle isn’t my higher power taking over? I should wake up with a list and schedule next to my bed showing me exactly how to get through the day.
I’ve never gotten such a note from God. Have I? What about the time my phone broke when I tried to call my dealer? What about when I actually stopped and smelled a flower? What about when my recovery friend called when I was in pain? God is there, keeping me on his path and helping me become a full person. A person who cares about myself and others. A person who is choosing life over death. I may not know how it will turn out, but I am learning what direction I want to choose.
My destiny is in God’s
hands, and when I’m sober,
God lets me steer a little.
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Read more at the blog Recovery on Film*
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* SLAA and the Greater Chicago/Milwaukee Intergroup do not endorse or oppose this non-conference-approved website.