Willingness is the Key

Bruce P.

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In the second appendix to the AA Big Book — which I think everyone in any 12-Step Program ought to read — it explains that there are three things that the program cannot give us: Willingness, Honesty and Open Mindedness. These three attributes are central to success in the program. We have to be able to be honest with ourselves. We are sex and love addicts; we are powerless over that fact. We have to be open minded. We have to at least give it a try and accept on some level that this spiritual program can be a route to sobriety from our sex and love addiction and anorexia. We have to be open to the fact that God could and would if God were sought!

But the program takes work. We have many tasks before us. And one of my sponsors taught me that the longer we are in the program, the more work we have to do. To face that reality, we must have the willingness to do what is required of us. That is the key to the door that opens the program for us.

We must have the willingness to turn our lives and our wills over to the care and protection of God, however we understand that Higher Power. We make that decision in the Third Step and the sincerity of that decision is central to our success in all the other steps. I say the AA Third Step Prayer each and every day and when I say, “God, I offer myself to thee…” it has to be a total supplication, a total surrender to my Higher Power. Half measures availed us nothing.

But willingness doesn’t end there by any stretch. We have to have the willingness, the honesty and the fearlessness to do a Fourth Step inventory. We have to do the work! It takes effort and we have to be willing to put in that effort. And when we complete our inventory, we need to make ourselves willing to share our innermost secrets with another, whether it be our sponsor, a religious figure, a therapist or counsellor, or a complete stranger. We are only as sick as our secrets. The Fifth Step will make us free, but we must be willing to do it.

Step Six actually makes willingness central to its completion. We have to be willing to have our Higher Power entirely remove all of our character defects. Are we willing for God to have all of us, good and bad? That is the preparation for the Seventh Step, where we ask God to remove all these character defects that stand in the way of our usefulness to God and others.

Back to inventory: Step Eight requires that we make a list of all persons we had harmed and become willing to make amends to them all. This step is crucial preparation for one of the most difficult steps of all: the Step Nine amends process. Sponsorship and prayer are central to becoming willing to make the amends process doable. But the results of having that willingness and taking the action of making amends are beyond wonderful! We will be amazed before we are halfway through the amends process. We will begin to get the promises of a spiritual awakening that this program provides: if we are willing to do the work. 

Having done these steps, we cannot rest on our laurels. Our sobriety is dependent on maintaining a fit spiritual condition. We must have the willingness to continue to make inventories. I do my Tenth Step inventory on a daily basis, and it gives me a measure of how willing I am open a daily basis to have my character defects removed. I do Fourth Steps a few times a year. The steps are the program and the program is a lifetime process. We have to be willing to keep doing the work.

Am I willing to pray and meditate every day? It took me some time to become willing. But once I started this daily process — this daily ritual of morning and evening prayer and meditation — I have found that I cannot do without it! It is central to any serenity and self-esteem that I have. Over time, it substantially improves my connection with my Higher Power.

And finally, am I willing to carry whatever message I have to others in the program? Am I willing to take the responsibility of sponsorship, of sharing, of commitment to be a meeting chair, a treasurer, a greeter or other position? Am I willing to show up, for myself, of course, but also for what I can contribute for others? I am not responsible for anyone else’s recovery, but I have received a gift from God and in order to keep it, I must be willing to give it away to my fellow addicts — and to keep it shiny and new and unchanged.

For me, that is the gift of willingness!