SLAA Summer Retreat

The Program of Recovery - It Works - It Really Does!

Friday, September 3, 2021 5:00 PM
Monday, September 6, 2021 3:00 PM

DeKoven Retreat Center

600 21st Street Racine, WI, 53403 United States

Registration is now open, register at http://www.slaachicago.org

​

​

“Summertime and the Livin’ Is Easy”: Issues, Expectations, and Tools for Recovery

Anonymous

Summer is not an easy season for me for different reasons. Yes, I wait for it during the harsh winters of Chicago, idealizing the season like I’ve idealized people. And like with people I’ve fantasized over, the reality is often disappointing. Yes, the weather can be pleasant--or, recently, stifling in the heat and humidity--but I’m sometimes reminded of gratitude and acceptance for all the triggers that come up during the summer.

Writing has long been one of my healthier tools for getting out of bottom line behavior, so even writing this piece now reminds me of some of these aspects of summer. My birthday is in summer and there are more opportunities for social activity, but there are also more opportunities to act out and isolate--it just deceptively feels like a different kind of isolation than in winter.

I am a gay, disabled man who doesn’t drink or do drugs, and contrary to many people I see, I much prefer quiet time at home to partying and meeting people in bars. It’s good that I have that awareness, but of course, self-knowledge alone avails us nothing, as the AA “Big Book” reminds us, and I can get stuck in my own head when I’m at home. There I am much more prone to act out or engage in gray area activities, especially after diving deep into resentment without being aware of it.

With the current state of the pandemic, I have been going to in person meetings more often, and I’m hoping to be able to go to the SLAA summer retreat over Labor Day weekend. That kind of social connection is crucial, especially when it comes to recovery for staying connected and not becoming isolated. I’m enjoying getting out, but as I continue my sobriety, other addictive behaviors flare up to both celebrate different occasions and numb discomfort and pain.

So my summertime sobriety is admittedly nowhere near perfect. I struggle with resentments, social activity, isolation, and other issues, but even with some recent gray area activity, I’ve gained awareness of how to manage feelings and continue my sobriety. I noticed this also last summer: the expectation that I should be having a great time in summer can lead to more isolation, resentment, and potential acting out. I had a friend die and found out about it on my birthday, but gratefully, there was an SLAA fellowship event that day, so I got out of my head and got immense support. This helped me stay sober amidst such expectations. 

In addition, I’ve gone on a couple of dates recently and am becoming more aware of my healthier patterns: having boundaries, calling other fellows for suggestions around potential anorexia, recognizing and listening to feelings of ambivalence, and not being willing to settle for “crumbs” in terms of intimacy with people I find unattractive or unavailable. 

This is definite progress for me, and I’ve even gotten to a place in my life where I am okay being single and alone. The challenge is not letting that state turn into isolation from others.

I don’t believe God plans all events for a reason, but I’m returning to the idea from the AA Big Book that acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. For me, though, that does not mean passivity--it means actively working on accepting the things I cannot change and changing the things I can, as it says in the Serenity Prayer.

I can accept that the summertime is difficult for me. But today I have tools to change how I react to it. For one, because I have struggled so much with resentments, I am returning to doing mini fourth step inventories of some of the ones that have never gone away. Even when I can’t see my part in some of these situations--for example, with people who disappeared from my life without saying why--I have tools for contrary action: prayer, meditation, outreach calls, and other things that I would like to use more often.

So, in the season of more heat, less clothing, and seemingly more temptation, I am learning that I, too, can find greater serenity in the midst of turbulence.

​

Fun and Fellowship

Chris M.

When I came to SLAA I was all alone and did not know what to do with myself. Everything in my life did not seem to be working. There were people in my life and I had activities but did not feel connected to anyone. I was in and out of a dead relationship that I felt no connection with and was obsessed with sex and finding my next sexual encounter. Intrigue kept me company when I had no one to act out with. I lived my life searching out that recognition and approval from women and sex, I sought approval from others with images that I would create, re-inventing myself until I felt acceptable. Of course, I never found what I was looking for. In the end it no longer nullified the loneliness I felt. I came to SLAA because I was broken. 

​

Now I'm at a point where I am aware of myself, I understand that I am anorexic. I understand why I am the way I am and why I did what I did. The scary part is, it no longer works for me and there is no going back. So, now what? I've learned to live in my own skin without seeking the approval of others, the idea of committing to and/or having sex with someone I barely know sounds crazy and unrealistic to me. That's all I knew. Now, I have to learn healthy ways  to feel connected. I learned about who I am through insight I gained from other SLAA members and I can also learn to connect with others in a similar way. By having fun with other members I can practice just being part of a group and sharing activities. Something I have longed for a long time but never knew how to ask for. I've always wanted to feel like I belonged somewhere and have a place with others. I can only expect to gain as much as I have to offer any group or person. In SLAA I can learn to just be a part of.

​