November 2021: Gratitude
CONTENTS
Gratitude
Lauren C.
I never met my grandfather, he died a decade before I was born. I’ve heard many stories though. Son of Sicilian immigrants, he fought in the Navy during World War II and owned a Pepsi route on the Northside of Chicago. Was told how he was a chain smoker-would light a new cigarette with the one that was about to go out. How he would send my dad to the store with a note saying “2 packs of camels” back when you could sell cigarettes to ten year olds. How he was a prankster, a ball buster-life of the party. And how he was one hell of a dancer. He was a great guy I was told, you would have loved him.
But as I got older, I started to hear the other stories. How he was barely around. How he had a girlfriend. How when my dad and uncle were kids he once locked them in a room so he could go see her. How he stole money from my Nani to take his girlfriend and her kids out. How my Nani finally gave the ultimatum it’s either her or me and in trying to end the affair had a nervous breakdown. How he spent weeks in a psych ward. And how he wasn’t always consensual.
Up until entering SLAA I had no sympathy for him. I thought he was a sick, egotistical son of a bitch that crippled our family. A man so selfish he handed down nothing but traumatic burdens for his children and children’s children to consume.
It wasn’t until I came into this program that I had the realization- I am him. An [addict] in his disease is an unlovely creature. I can do every single despicable thing he has done. No, I never locked up my kids to act out or stole money from my spouse to treat my paramour, but being a single person with no kids, that was just a ‘yet’.
This realization came to me when first reading Rich’s story in the basic text. The going back and forth between two women-I couldn’t shake the parallels. And then thinking of my grandfather having a complete breakdown from having to decide- I knew that feeling. I felt that feeling. It’s utter fear of my disease being ripped from me without having anything to replace it. It’s the feeling of an emptiness so deep and so dark it’s a wonder that something so titanic could live inside of me. It’s the feeling I felt when I was first dumped. And when I tried to leave a boyfriend I didn’t love yet dragged out for years. It’s the feeling I felt sitting off the edge of my bed as the person I just acted out with closed my front door.
Throughout my lifetime I have proven to myself again and again that I am willing to do anything to act out. I have given up my safety, sanity, health, friendships, jobs- all of it, just to get another hit. And as my disease progressed, my standards became a joke. The back and forth, tug of war, of “I’m doing this-I’m not doing this-I’m doing this-I’m not doing this”, the shame and secrecy that spiraled me into debility. And when I got beaten to the point of submission, the greatest blessing, that of desperation, being sledge hammered to my head- I had somewhere to go. I had a solution shared with me by people who were just like me.
Where I am today is not anywhere near where I was when I came in. As my journey continues I think of all that I’m grateful for. When I think of my grandfather, I think of how SLAA was barely beginning by the time he died. I think about the immense amount of gratitude I have, because today I have a solution. Today I have a choice. And how I can I give love and sympathy to my grandfather, even beyond the grave, because he didn’t.
Gratitude
Lindsey K.
I was not a very grateful person most of my life. But as I continued in my recovery, I developed a deep sense of gratitude toward God and all the blessings along the way.
First and foremost, I am grateful that God opened my eyes to see the depth of my codependency and addiction, and how the terrible two defined me and my life. I am grateful that God gave me space to deal with my pain, and sent the right people, meetings, and resources to help me walk through it. I am grateful I met sponsors at the right time and committed to step work without anyone on my ass to do it, and chose to do it because I thought I was worth it. I am grateful that God is an on-time God because my timing sucks. I am grateful I can share my addictive insecurities and know that people around me get it. I am grateful I am learning how to live a better life and becoming a healthier person.
I am grateful I am letting go (of anger, compulsions and resentments) step by step, and have hope for my life. I am grateful I don't feel so alone and lost in my issues, and know others like me have felt and lived it too. I am grateful I learned about denial, how blinding it was and how much pride was behind it. I am grateful I am choosing peace instead of anger. I am grateful to get unstuck from addictive patterns, triggers, and defects that play off one another. I am grateful I can talk to my parents without hating them. I am grateful for the people who spoke into my life even though I didn't want to hear it, and grateful I listened. I am grateful I am quicker to make amends, more mindful of my behaviors, and can be honest with myself.
I am grateful I came to a place of peace and connected with God. I am grateful I walked into a recovery meeting six years ago and kept going back because I knew I needed to be there. I am grateful God told me to put my recovery first, didn't answer any of my prayers, and made me wait. I am grateful for cheap five-subject notebooks at Walmart and that I let it all out with a pen on college-ruled paper. I am grateful for the apartment and job I had while I was in the core of my addiction. I am grateful for the ability to attend recovery meetings on Zoom because the world stopped in 2020. I am grateful I stopped running and accepted that the only way out is through. I am grateful I work the steps and do the hard work. I am grateful for a church that ministers to me in my recovery process. And I am grateful that God is working in the details, one day at a time.
Gratitude
Anonymous
This is a hard time of year for me, but Thanksgiving helps me remember to focus, however fleetingly, on gratitude. I have seasonal depression, and in addition, one of my dearest relatives and friends died a few years ago at this time. So, it’s easy for me to focus on wallowing in my character defects: self-pity, self-righteousness, feeling like a victim, intolerance of others’ shortcomings.
But this program has taught me to have far more compassion for others, and for myself, though that can be a particular challenge.
I can be irritable around family for the holidays, and it’s hard for me not to get triggered by people who act like they always have acted.
In the moment, what I can do is pray and keep my focus on me and my recovery, while setting boundaries as needed.
While working on myself, what helps me have gratitude are step work exercises focusing on things I’m doing well (along with things I can work on), outreach calls, positive music, socializing with others, meetings that focus on the solution, and walks outside. And then there’s gratitude lists, which I often resist doing, but I could always use more gratitude. Writing this article helped remind me of how they help me when I write them.
I also express gratitude on the ever-triggering realm of social media, where negativity can feel like it’s constantly streaming. I send messages and make posts for people who make a difference, including in my life, and I hope that I can spread positivity and gratitude that way.
For different reasons, gratitude and acceptance—that is, active, not passive, acceptance—go together for me. I really struggle with accepting things the way they are in the moment, but the Serenity Prayer helps remind me about achieving conscious contact to discern between the things I cannot change and the things I can.
I think of (active) acceptance as different from being a doormat. I don’t believe in never working to change anything, including in me—that’s complacency. But for things that I don’t need to change, I can express gratitude for their presence in my life.
So, I can accept my family members, set boundaries as needed, and work on myself to help me get better, instead of trying to fix, manage, and control them. Thank God for the twelve steps.
Feedback from the 2021 SLAA Fall Gathering
A special thank you to all who provided service to the Fall Gathering, including those that gave leads, led workshops and panels, purchased lunch and supplies, sold tickets, and for all those who attended!
“Learned a lot got to know some new people.”
-Jerry M
“The most impactful part was being with my people. I had only been to 1 in person S meeting prior to the event. To see my people, to hug them, to hear their voices - a treasure beyond measure. I tear up as I type because that energy is powerful. Incredibly powerful. I am humbled to feel it and to be a part of this diverse, strong community. One day at a time isn't so bad when it's with a good crew.”
-Rebecca C
“It was my first open SLAA event and it took some getting used to. My disease wants me to be ashamed and isolated, even in recovery. This event brought addicts and non-addicts together for a common purpose. It was amazing to see partners and friends of SLAAs there for support. Meeting the companions of my fellows was a unifying experience. Let's demystify this disease and get more support from our loved ones by being inclusive.”
-Dave S
“The Fall Gathering was a much needed blessing to my recovery. It was a major opportunity to fellowship, hear a great SLAA message, and soak in experience, strength, and hope. It provided a great mix of sincere recovery and relationship building. I enjoyed the party as well which tied the whole day together with laughs, smiles, and good vibes. “
-Zane
“It was really grounding and great to be around recovery. I felt connected with my own recovery and everyone in the community. It felt like a mini retreat and I would love to have more of them.”
-Margaret C
Announcements
Thank you from Intergroup
The Chicago-Milwaukee Intergroup would like to express gratitude to the following groups for their contributions, as reported at the November meeting:
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Tuesday Keep Coming Back SLAA Group: $16.00
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Hedwigs SLAA Group - Online (Quarterly): $597.64
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Individual Contributions (9/17/21 - 10/16/21): $121.00
These contributions help with Intergroup operations so we can continue to carry the message. Thank you!
Intergroup Bylaws Revision
The Greater Chicago/Milwaukee SLAA Intergroup's (GCMSI) bylaws are guiding principles that inform service at the Intergroup level. These bylaws have been revised incorporating feedback from local SLAA groups and are now ready to be voted upon for approval and use. All votes must be submitted by March 1, 2021. Contact mailroom@slaachicago.org for details on how to get your group involved.
Intergroup Positions Available
In March, the Greater Chicago/Milwaukee SLAA Intergroup held elections for Intergroup officer positions. If you would like to participate, we encourage you to join us on December 18th at 8 a.m. This month's meeting will be hybrid, we are meeting at NTAC (909 W Belmont) as well as on Zoom, please contact 312-725-9918 for details.
Opportunities for Newsletter Submission
As members of SLAA, you have the opportunity to contribute to our local Intergroup newsletters, as well as the fellowship-wide newsletter. Read on for more information.
Contribute to GREAT FACT
GREAT FACT—what you are reading at this very minute—is the newsletter for the Greater Chicago–Milwaukee Intergroup.
We're prepping for publication for the next few months and looking for the following submissions for future issues as it pertains to your experience, strength and hope:
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Essays
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Fiction
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Poetry
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Artwork
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Photography
Upcoming deadlines:
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December (December 15th): “Sobriety through the holidays”
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January (January 12th): Welcome to the Newcomers: Setting bottom lines, “I knew I belonged in SLAA when…”
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February (February 16th): "Service and Sobriety"
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March (March 16th): "Character Defects"
To submit, please send an email to mailroom@slaachicago.org with the subject line "Newsletter Submission." Please feel free to send us something outside of the themes above, and we’ll slot it in when appropriate. Thanks!
Greater Chicago/Milwaukee SLAA Intergroup
Meeting Minutes- Saturday, September 18, 2021
Attendees:
Trevor V, RFG, Fall Gathering Co-Chair
Zane W, Member, RFG
Anthony P, Keep Coming Back Group, Facilitation Chair
Dave S, RFG, Intergroup Rep
Chris S, RFG, Inreach Chair
Hannah K, RFG, Outreach Vice Chair
Sean M, Outreach Chair, RFG
Josh F, Contribution Editor, RFG
Papa A, RFG, Fiduciary Chair
Vince R, RFG, Fiduciary Vice-Chair, Retreat Co-Chair, ABM Delegate
READINGS & INTRODUCTIONS (12 Minutes)
● Prayer for a Trusted Servant
● Traditions
● Introductions (name, group affiliation and position)
● Greater Chicago/Milwaukee SLAA IG Statement of Purpose
● Review Agenda
● 12 Concepts of Service
● Concept 1 - Anthony (next month is Concept 2 - Trevor volunteered)
OFFICER REPORTS
Facilitation (5 Minutes.)
● General Report: Anthony
○ Approve Minutes September - Unanimous approval
○ Website Facilitation: Kristin, Christie (vice) Review any Suggestions
■ Bylaws Update and any Revision & Responses (Vince and Officers) - final response to comments being made by IG officers, final draft out for a vote soon.
■ Web Facilitation How To Guide and Report - comments were reviewed and a vote will be had to approve in November
Fiduciary (5 Minutes)
● General Treasurer Report: Papa Chair/Treasurer, Vince Vice Chair
○ $7808 in account, though reconciliation of SLAA accounts is ongoing following the Fall Gathering and Summer Retreat.
● Approve Treasury Report
OutReach (5 Minutes)
● General Report: Sean Chairperson, Hannah Vice Chair
○ Direct Outreach - Hazelden. There are currently no in-person meetings of any kind occurring in Hazelden. Sean is reaching out to LPAC; pros and cons of LPAC were discussed. Suggestion made to consider focusing on areas near the red line (chicago stop) and Brown line (Bownmanville). Alternative locations discussed included: St. James, Lawson YMCA, Moody Bible Institute, St. Christums.
Inreach General Report (15 Minutes)
● General Report: Chris
○ Newsletter Report (Caitlyn and Chris)
■ October Theme: The Tool of Inventory
■ Currently have 1 article submitted so far, will send out the full draft early next week.
■ November Theme: Gratitude (Deadline November 17th)
○ Fall Gathering Report: Vince, Caitlyn
■ Total number of attendees : 52 (40 pre-registered + 12 tickets at the door) and a handful of individual donations (Thank you to everyone who donated!)
■ Survey was sent out to attendees on 10.15.21 - will report results as soon as they are available, Trevor shared some of the feedback we’ve heard from people already (great lunch options, liked having it open, etc)
■ Learnings for next year: anticipating and purchasing food for day of tickets
○ Literature Review Subcommittee (Anthony)
■ New Proposed S.L.A.A. 12/12/12
■ Time Frame and Proposed Project
○ Group Representation - Table and Contact by Group
■ Unrepresented Groups - Outreach will be scheduled in the coming months. The plan is that 2 people from IG will go to each meeting and make a plug for sending a rep to the meeting, as well as donations.
○ Retreat 2022 (Caitlyn)
■ Anthony and Caitlyn are still working on the contract with DeKoven Center. We asked for an updated contract that would reduce the 40% down payment from 90 days prior to the event to 30 days. They have come back with a revised 60 days before, so we are still in negotiations with them.
SUGGESTED ANNOUNCEMENTS FOR MEETING REPS:
● Review and Vote on Bylaws - Final Date?
● Submissions to newsletter - November:??
● Looking for Outreach Speakers (direct ask - prescreen)
● Encourage donations to IG via Venmo (@Augustine-Fellowship)
● Thank you's to Groups, etc. for Retreat Contributions
● Please submit Meeting Updates via the Meeting Update Function on the Website (reopening, etc.)
Proposed Next Meeting:
Saturday, November 20, 2021
8:00am – 9:15am
OnLine (Zoom)
In Person: Open
Visit us at www.slaachicago.org
Greater Chicago/Milwaukee SLAA Intergroup
Treasury Report
10/17/21-11/16/21
Starting Balance October 17, 2021 $7,808.61
Total Intergroup Group/Individual Donations $734.64
Fall Gathering Contributions $1015.00
Total Expenses $245.34
Acct. Current Balance (11/16/21) Act. $9,312.91
*The full treasury report is available through your Group Intergroup Representative or by request to: mailroom@slaachicago.org.
SLAA Online Text-Only Chat
Those who need an additional resource in their SLAA recovery are invited to SLAA Online text-only chat recovery fellowship. Find more information by visiting the SLAA website, slaaonline.org, or by emailing slaaonline@yahoo.com.
Contribute to West Chicago Intergroup Newsletter
Our friends in the West Chicago Intergroup invite members to contribute to their newsletter to share their experience, strength, and hope. According to Mark K., "Writing an article for our newsletter is one way you can serve yourself and others." For more information, email pcomind@gmail.com or visit the West Chicago Intergroup website.
Contribute to the Fellowship-Wide Newsletter: Journal
The Journal is SLAA’s fellowship-wide newsletter, which goes out to fellows around the world.
The Journal seeks submissions for the “Question of the Day” for upcoming issues (deadline):
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March/April: Long Term Recovery (Due January 15, 2022) How do you keep your program fresh and growing?
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May/June: Sponsor’s Words (Due March 15, 2022_ What's the best thing your sponsor has ever told you?
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July/August* ABM Issue: Anorexia Withdrawal (Due May 15, 2022) What is anorexia withdrawal in your experience? What tools helped you deal with the pain of withdrawal from anorexia with out retreating back into anorexia?
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August/September: Defects Higher Power Lets Me Keep (Due July 15, 2022) Have you ever prayed for a character defect to be removed for a long time and found that it stuck around for you to learn a lesson or because it helped you or others in some way? Please share your experience, strength, and hope.
Submit responses or other contributions to www.slaafws.org/journalsubmit.
To subscribe to the Journal or read the current issue, please click here.
Thank you for reading!
Coming in December: "Sobriety through the Holidays"
We invite you to share your experience, strength, and hope.
To submit, please send an email to mailroom@slaachicago.org with the subject line "Newsletter Submission"