Spiritual Awakening in Prayer, Meditation and Contact with Higher Power

Anonymous

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      Recently I gave a lead on the 12th Step at my home group, and a lot came into focus for me around what prayer, meditation and especially contact with my higher power feels like at its best. Preparing for my lead I reflected on what “spiritual awakening” (from the 12th Step) means. I meditated and prayed on it each morning but also sought it out when I struggled through emotional difficulties with my fiancé as we readied ourselves for our wedding later this month. 

      My earliest spiritual awakening in SLAA came when I entered my first SLAA meetings at Rise & Shine in 1998. It came from the literature as it spoke directly to ME about my compulsions, my romantic obsessions and my despair at stopping them. I awakened to the feeling that in the reality of my addiction and my hope for recovery I was not alone. Then I was spiritually awakened by my first sponsor who inspired me to let go of my self-control and do things (so MANY things) another way. As I let my sponsor in and started to feel taken up by him, he helped me to let loose of my addictive tendencies. In our 2nd Step work I experienced the presence of a gentle, happy, humorous, patient spiritual presence that watched me struggling with frustration and outrage -  and simply nodded his head with understanding and good-will. Working through subsequent steps my sponsor pushed me (by making gentle but consistent suggestions) to raise my hand at the end of meetings offering to be a sponsor - I cursed him! I hated the idea of giving up his kind guidance in order to do something for someone else… Ahhhhhhh, what a spiritual awakening sponsoring has been: to be of service, of USE, passing along all I’d learned in working the 12 steps to other addicts was a new, spiritual kind of joy.

    And now, as I step into a marriage grown from sober dating, support from my new sponsor and so many fellows in the program, I get to feel what it’s like to be awakened daily from my resentments, lusts and fears into a kind of intimacy I’d never have found on my own. By letting go of these character defects, and especially my debilitating way of withholding myself, I get to join with others in the dance of really living life. Not by beating others into the rhythm I see fit, but by opening up to them I can join in a mutual world of being in tune, together. You see, I’m awakening now to how spirit is found through my contact with others: I not only commune with my higher power through prayer and meditation, but as I see and really listen to and share with others I find a new intimacy through a trust I had never experienced before. I’m awakening to trusting that to be intimate, to be meaningful, it doesn’t have to be my way but by finding OUR way, together, I can get a taste of what matters most: that spiritual awakening!

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6th and 7th Step Personalized Meditation

Jason A.

As I work on my 6th and 7th step, I wanted to do something that really would become a constant working of these steps.  I feel like these steps are the key for me in changing - being aware of specific defects, and being willing to give them up. I do this every day, and my groups have recommended I share this process with you.  It is not revolutionary or completely new, but it has worked well for me and a lot of my fellows have suggested letting others know about it.  

First, I worked on a list of defects in step 6.  There's lots of them to choose from, and I knew that I would have many options.  One of my fellows gave me a list of 197 of them to look over!  I must have connected to about 1/3 of those.  

I knew that too many defects would keep me from actually achieving anything.  I wrote down 50 of them first.  Then, I wrote down a second list next to the first of words which would be replacements, using the guide from "A Gentle Path through the Twelve Steps."  What I found were clear themes.  Lots of words sounded the same, and had similar replacement words.  I sat down and narrowed the list down to 22 defects.

Then - with this list, we wrote out 22 poker chips.  On one side is the defect, and the other is the replacement - or "chip flip word."  I draw a chip daily and reflect on how it impacts my life.  What I came to understand is that each defect was, in fact, something that served as a higher power for me in my addiction.  So, I changed my meditation and prayer to say:

<Defect> - You are no longer my higher power.  I do not need you to protect me and guide me.  My True Higher Power has shown me the way and given me the gift to choose <coin flip> over you.  I release you.

An example -

Frustration - You are no longer my higher power.  I do not need you to protect me and guide me.  My True Higher Power has shown me the way and given me the gift to choose Acceptance over you.  I release you. 

I am up to 24 chips now - as we add or remove them as they make themselves known, and because there is no such thing as a perfect list of defects (I learned that from my sponsor in step 4/5)  Using this as part of my morning meditation and prayer keeps me focused on the defect I want to release, and observant of when it - or their fellow defects - make themselves known during my day.