Spiritual Awakening and My Experience With the 12 Steps

Anonymous

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     Oh, how I love the notion of filling you in on, indeed, reviewing the spiritual experiences I’ve encountered through working our program’s steps (or as it’s said, having the steps work me). I remember, and enjoy remembering, my old sponsor guiding me through the 12 steps (and my current sponsor continuing to guide me as I continually work to apply them). 

     My first step work brought an encounter with powerlessness and unmanageability: I was led to feel the difference between being powerless in the face of addictive urges and that little bit of space where I could choose how to respond to those urgings. By noticing (ah, my old sponsor would intone; “Good, noticing!”) that there was room between my addictive impulse and my taking up some choice in what to DO with that reactivity, I was awakened to how recovery of myself could feel. 

     In the second step I was introduced to the notion that my will was one thing, and that God’s will was another. And my step-work got me to feel the more fulfilling sense of a higher power's will when compared to my own will: a real eye-opener!

     My third step work took much more time: writing out a complete history of my sexual and love experiences. What awakened in me was the sense that I was a person, with a very rich history, that could in fact be shared. Oh, the opening up, the revealing and acceptance that I found was monumental!

     My fourth, fifth, sixth and seventh step work sharpened a new, spiritual appreciation for my patterns of intimacy avoidance. Not only had I been steeped in fear, anger, loneliness and shame, but I was awakened to the ways in which I had used these to avoid getting close to people, showing up in opportune situations or strengthening my relationship with my higher power.

     In my eighth and ninth step work I came to feel the spiritual heart of my relationships with those who’d been closest to me in my life: I stood spiritually open to loved-ones I’d harmed and asked for forgiveness. Almost completely, I was greeted with open and loving arms. If that’s not spiritual awakening, nothing is.

     Steps ten, eleven and twelve are really ongoing works I do everyday: I pray, meditate, work with other sex and love addicts on recovery, and bring my spiritual experiences to as many areas of my life as I can. When I experience my sponsor’s loving, inevitably broadening sense of me… my sponsee’s mirror-like presence, and I can express to them a compassion I cannot automatically feel towards myself... my wife’s intensity, and I relax and calm myself to swim in the intimacy of conflict or passion… writing for our Newsletter, recalling how I’ve been inspired by our program’s literature… here is where I get to live out spiritual awakening. And I’m forever grateful for it. 

     I could go on and on, in greater detail and depth, but I hope to talk with you in person about all these things. So, ask, and we’ll have a chat. And I’ll learn about your spiritual awakenings, too!