May 2021: Fantasy
Fantasy
Chris S.
I used to think that I didn’t have much imagination. I’m a technical person, and never really enjoyed creative writing or creating art like others I know. I have to admit though, that in my active addiction, my imagination and ability to fantasize were working overtime! I used porn and masturbation to fantasize about friends and coworkers, extreme sexual encounters, and relationships that I knew were impossible. In relationships, I worked very hard to maintain illusions of compatibility, normalcy, even friendliness at times. In the deepest and darkest parts of my addiction, I really tried to live in my fantasies around sex and love, to make them real even though it seemed reality itself was not compatible with my ideas about how things should work. My body would be injured from the acting out, the women I would throw everything at would be uninterested, and the women I attached myself to did not do the same to me.
In sobering up, I learned I had to “right-size” my fantasies. Especially in the world of relationships and sex, I had a lot of learning to do about what was real, what was healthy, and what was good. My sponsor showed me a lot of what real love looks like, and my developing friendships with sober members of the program, especially ones I wasn't attracted to, showed me what was possible in a healthy and sustainable relationship.
Nowadays, I try to see my imagination as something that needed to be adjusted, but not as a bad thing by itself. I find that I daydream and imagine completely different things than I did before. Where I used to think about the crazy sex I could be having with someone (usually someone I didn’t know), I’m trying to imagine how happy and content my daily life is going to be in my upcoming marriage. Where I used to plot and plan how to win the affections of some unattainable person, I’m seeing my family join with my fiance’s family and I’m imagining loud, happy holiday dinners. Where I used to fantasize about what porn I would watch after work, I’m imagining where my career might take me next, or what fun outing with friends I have coming up.
I guess fantasy, for me, was never a question of “do it” or “don’t do it”. It simply needed the Steps, and some sobriety, and a Higher Power to show me how I could use it to grow instead of hide.
Sweet, Sweet Fantasy . . . Or Is It?
Anonymous
Fantasy is a tricky issue for me in my SLAA recovery. Engaging in fantasy is not something that in and of itself constitutes breaking a bottom line, but acting on those fantasies, which has happened often with compulsive masturbation, has, of course, proved problematic.
These days, after fifteen months sober, I still sometimes use fantasies to masturbate in a nonaddictive way, but some of these fantasies are healthier than others. I know intuitively when I would cross a line into grey area and then bottom line behaviors, and gratefully, such fantasies have not led to anything unmanageable in over a year.
I have used fantasies to masturbate compulsively for years upon years, but with fifteen months sober, what I’m trying to deviate from these days is fantasies of revenge: conversations where I prove I’m right, yelling at resentments, and so on. It’s becoming easier these days, through different step work, to do what a sponsor in a different fellowship calls “changing the channel” and trying to use the 3-second rule for resentments, not merely sexual fantasies.
It says in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous that resentments are the number one offender of what makes us drink, use, act out, and so on. Of course, one of the most helpful tools in deflating my ego (Edging God Out, as the acronym says) and making me less obsessive about resentments and surrounding fantasies is a fourth step inventory. Forcing myself to look at my part in my resentments, no matter how small that part is, helps ground me in a greater reality than my head-in-the-clouds fantasies of yelling at people could ever do.
In the last year or two, I have often resisted the idea of doing a fourth step inventory around certain resentments that I apparently enjoy stewing in, but inevitably, when I have written out an inventory, I get clarity on not only my part, but also contrary action that I can take to counter my resentments.
Of course, as with anything in recovery, my efforts at disengaging from fantasy, including with resentments, have been imperfect. But I will continue to work on grounding myself in the world through service and other tools of SLAA recovery.
Thank you from Intergroup
The Chicago-Milwaukee Intergroup would like to express gratitude to the following groups for their contributions, as reported at the May meeting:
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Lutheran General Hospital (5/6/21): $75.00
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Tuesday Keep Coming Back SLAA Group (4/6/21): $6.00
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Tuesday Solution in the Suburbs SLAA Group (4/13/21): $20.00
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Hedwigs SLAA Group (3/28/21): $242.39
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Milwaukee Saturday Morning SLAA Group (3/29/21): $32.00
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Individual Contributions (3/18/21-4/16/21): $43.00
These contributions help with Intergroup operations so we can continue to carry the message. Thank you!
Intergroup Bylaws Revision
The Greater Chicago/Milwaukee SLAA Intergroup's (GCMSI) bylaws are guiding principles that inform service at the Intergroup level. These bylaws are in the process of being revised, and group feedback is very important to the revision process. Contact mailroom@slaachicago.org for details on how to get your group involved.
Intergroup Positions Available
In March, the Greater Chicago/Milwaukee SLAA Intergroup held elections for Intergroup officer positions. If you would like to participate, we encourage you to join us on June 19th at 8 a.m. We are meeting remotely, please contact 312-725-9918 for details.
Opportunities for Newsletter Submission
As members of SLAA, you have the opportunity to contribute to our local Intergroup newsletters, as well as the fellowship-wide newsletter. Read on for more information.
Contribute to GREAT FACT
GREAT FACT—what you are reading at this very minute—is the newsletter for the Greater Chicago–Milwaukee Intergroup.
We're prepping for publication for the next few months and looking for the following submissions for future issues as it pertains to your experience, strength and hope:
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Essays
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Fiction
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Poetry
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Artwork
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Photography
Upcoming deadlines:
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June (June 16th): “Fun and Fellowship”
To submit, please send an email to mailroom@slaachicago.org with the subject line "Newsletter Submission." Please feel free to send us something outside of the themes above, and we’ll slot it in when appropriate. Thanks!
Greater Chicago/Milwaukee SLAA Intergroup
Meeting Minutes- Saturday, April 17, 2021
Attendees:
Anthony P, Tues KCB, RFG Treasurer, ABM Delegate
Chris S, RFG, Vice Inreach Chair
Sean M, Hedwig, Outreach Chair, Intergroup Rep
Hannah K, RFG, Outreach Vice-Chair
Vince R, RFG, Facilitation Chair
Christie K, RFG, Website Facilitation Chair
Shannon, Rise and Shine, Intergroup Rep
Kristin S, Milwaukee Sat. Morning, Vice Website Facilitator
Verne, Rise and Shine, Inreach Chair
Josh, St. Hedwig, Intergroup Rep
Caitlyn K, RFG, Newsletter Editor, FG Co Chair
Francis, Rise and Shine, Newsletter Contribution Editor
Papa, RFG, Fiduciary Chair
READINGS
● Prayer for a Trusted Servant
● Greater Chicago/Milwaukee SLAA IG Statement of Purpose Review
● Agenda
● 12 Concepts of Service -- Concept 7, Chris
Concept 8 - Ian W for next month
OFFICER REPORTS
Facilitation (10 Minutes.)
● General Report: Anthony
○ Approve Minutes (March)
-chris will send out meeting minutes from March to approve via email.
○ Website Facilitation: Kristin, Christie (vice) - guidance document being created.
■ Addition of Officers and other Google Group permissions - will be handled by Kristin and Christie
■ General Report
○ Bylaws Adoption Report: Vince
- outlined the project so far. Pdf of revised by laws and google form are available to groups and to the fellowship to offer feedback. Deadline for feedback is early july.
-best practice for groups - meet after a meeting, go over the revisions, and as a group submit feedback via the google form.
Fiduciary (5 Minutes)
● General Treasurer Report: Papa
● Approve Treasury Report
○ Transition Progress
OutReach (6 Minutes)
● General Report: Sean
○ Speakers Committee
-meeting will be held in early may with a group of potential outreach speakers, to orient and guide potential speakers in speaking to non-SLAA members.
-intergroup reps are encouraged to reach out to those who have worked all 12 steps the opportunity to join the committee.
○ Outreach Talks
Inreach General Report (15 Minutes)
● General Report: Chris
○ Newsletter Report
■ Production Editor: Caitlyn
-Newsletter topic next month - fantasy
○ Retreat Leaders Report: Vince, Caitlyn
-September 10-12th is being considered for the retreat, but other dates are being considered.
-retreat committee being discussed.
○ Sponsorship workshop
-more work needed, which will resume April 21.
○ Discussion about Fall Gathering
-working on finding a co-chair, and will produce a budget for next month.
ABM Delegate: Anthony (5 minutes)
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agenda is very large this year. Including a submission to the conference on putting forward literature.
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would like someone to review the agenda and find a few articles to present to the intergroup and provide feedback to the FWS. Vince, Anthony, Ian, and Chris are interested in being part of providing feedback.
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You can read the agenda here:https://slaafws.org/Conference/ABM2021/2021ABMAgendaFirstVersion.pdf
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Information on the ABM in general: https://slaafws.org/abminfo
New Business (5 min.)
● Caitlyn - St. Hedwig’s meeting is considering selling the building that meetings have traditionally been held in. Keep on the radar for moving forward.
Considerations:
● Location - accessibility of location, so that we are accessible to meetings and their reps from people not in the heart of Chicago.
● Timing - pairing up with a well-attended meeting
● Format - when are we planning on returning to in-person work
● Urgency - when do we need to have this plan by? Is it happening this year?
Next year?
SUGGESTED ANNOUNCEMENTS FOR MEETING REPS:
● Please, as a group, review the bylaws and submit feedback by the form provided by email. To find it, the subject was “IG Bylaws Review/Revision”, by steps4serenity@gmail.com (vince R), sent on May 25. If you cannot find it, please email chris.trudgingtheroad@gmail.com and I will send a link
● IG Reps: If you know someone at your meeting who has worked all 12 steps (or is sober and has worked very many of them), please directly ask that person if they are interested in joining the group doing outreach Direct outreach to people who have worked all 12 steps.
● Submissions to newsletter. The April theme is: Spiritual Awakening (due by April 12 please). May theme is: Fantasy
● Encourage donations to IG via Venmo (@Augustine-Fellowship). Please consider adding a second “pass the hat” on the 4th week of the month, specifically for intergroup. Or, consider 60/40 donations on a regular basis.
Proposed Next Meeting:
Saturday, May 15, 2021 8:00am – 9:15am
OnLine (Zoom)
In Person: St. Hedwig’s Pastoral Center – 2114 W. Webster Ave, Chicago, IL 60647
Greater Chicago/Milwaukee SLAA Intergroup
Treasury Report
04/1 8/21-05/17/21
Starting Balance April 18, 2021 $7,593.62
Total Intergroup Group/Individual Donations $418.39
Total Expenses $1,016.34
Acct. Current Balance (05/17/21) Act. $6,995.67
*The full treasury report is available through your Group Intergroup Representative or by request to: mailroom@slaachicago.org.
SLAA Online Text-Only Chat
Those who need an additional resource in their SLAA recovery are invited to SLAA Online text-only chat recovery fellowship. Find more information by visiting the SLAA website, slaaonline.org, or by emailing slaaonline@yahoo.com.
Contribute to West Chicago Intergroup Newsletter
Our friends in the West Chicago Intergroup invite members to contribute to their newsletter to share their experience, strength, and hope. According to Mark K., "Writing an article for our newsletter is one way you can serve yourself and others." For more information, email pcomind@gmail.com or visit the West Chicago Intergroup website.
Contribute to the Fellowship-Wide Newsletter: Journal
The Journal is SLAA’s fellowship-wide newsletter, which goes out to fellows around the world.
The Journal seeks submissions for the “Question of the Day” for upcoming issues (deadline):
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July/August ABM Issue: "Breakdown to Breakthrough” Do you feel Higher Power demolished your life to build it back up with a stronger foundation? Please share your ex- perience strength, and hope. (May 15, 2021)
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September/October Issue: “People as Drugs” “Through sex, charm, emotional appeal, or persuasive in- tellect, we had used other people as ‘drugs,’ to avoid our own personal inadequacy.” S.L.A.A. Basic Text page 74. Please share your story of using people as drugs and your experience strength and hope in overcoming the desire to use people as drugs. (July 15, 2021)
Submit responses or other contributions to www.slaafws.org/journalsubmit.
To subscribe to the Journal or read the current issue, please click here.
Thank you for reading!
Coming in June: "Fun & Fellowship"
We invite you to share your experience, strength, and hope.
To submit, please send an email to mailroom@slaachicago.org with the subject line "Newsletter Submission"