January 2019: We Will Love You Until You Love Yourself
Editor’s Note
Aimee A.
We will love you until you love yourself
When many of us first cross the threshold into the rooms, we don’t feel very loveable. In my case, I walked in with a lot of pride and a lot of shame—and the last thing I wanted to admit was how desperately I wanted to be loved.
One of the greatest gifts of this program has been the acceptance I’ve experienced from my fellows. That no matter what deep dark secrets I might prefer to keep stashed away, when those are brought to light, I will still find a home in this fellowship.
I’m grateful for that gift. It’s shown me that I am lovable, not in spite of my shortcomings, but because of them, because they are a part of me. And all of me is worthy of love, just because I am here, I am alive.
I’m excited to share this month’s issue and hope you’ll find it inspiring.
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I Used the Steps to Love Myself
Anonymous
I don’t want to ever give up, and I love myself more today than ever before. I’ve had some unusual circumstances in my life that may or may not have made me want to give up, but I got to the point where I am today because of working the twelve steps. It’s not that I wanted to give up when I first got in the Program, but now I actively want to live and enjoy life in a healthy way that I didn’t before. I have pride in the differences that can sometimes define my life.
I must say, I’m not sure if people loved me in SLAA before I loved myself. I say this because when I first came in, I was a wreck because I was ill. I was talking way too much about random stuff in my life and not tying it back to my recovery. You know the type; we hear them in every meeting, going off about their issues with relationships or other things without ever talking about the steps. That was me for a good chunk of my first year or two in SLAA—except I was very likely worse.
A couple things helped with that. First, I got better from being sick, but second, and more importantly, I got a sponsor who was serious in his approach to the steps. It’s not that my first sponsor wasn’t serious; it’s that his exercises were not based in traditional twelve step practice, especially literature. My current sponsor works predominantly out of the AA Big Book, which has helped me immeasurably in its emphasis on service and the twelve steps.
Though I attend SLAA meetings and am not an alcoholic, I generally prefer AA’s foundational literature to ours in part because of its emphasis on service, especially in relation to step twelve. Now, how, you may ask, is this relevant?
Because it was through working the steps in a very traditional, AA-refracted lens that I started to learn to love myself in ways that I never had experienced previously to working the steps in a traditional way. (I should add that I’d tried working the steps with another nontraditional sponsor in another fellowship before getting into SLAA, and it should suffice to say that that did not work for me either.)
I noticed a change in me, not only in terms of how I was talking about the steps in meetings, but how I was working to be of service. I started working actively to welcome newcomers and doing more service positions in meetings. And through this magical process (MAGIC = Me Accepting God’s In Charge, which is indeed a daily process, rather than an event), others started noticing the changes in me, too. And I started noticing that I was having more love and compassion for myself, including with my struggles with sobriety. So, while I do not discount the statement, “We will love you until you love yourself,” I know that I was always loved by my Higher Power, even if I felt largely not loved by others in Program until I got serious about the steps.
That should not make it sound like Program’s love and acceptance is conditional; it isn’t, but in my experience, it felt like it was. I do not criticize the Program in any way because of this feeling, but I will say that I appreciate the continuing love and support of people in Program the more I work the steps. I don’t want to make it sound like I was undeserving of love, but I do not blame anyone in the Program for having had issues with me when I first got here. I do know that I am a better person who feels more love for himself today than he ever has before, and I don’t want to give up.
When I got my list of character defects from my sponsor at the end of step five, my therapist looked at the list and saw a spectrum of egotism ranging from feeling like I know everything and am so much better than everyone else to ones feeling like I know nothing and am worthless. This Program has helped me so much in terms of contrary action. I show up differently today, including at meetings. I go out of my way to welcome newcomers while keeping the focus on my experience (rather than on giving advice) in my shares. And yes, there is a far greater amount of abundance in my life today than there was before I started Program, but while that abundance can reinforce me feeling good about myself, I don’t need to constantly seek validation for that abundance; I can feel good from within in a way that I never have before.
So, today I want to say thank you to SLAA and to my Higher Power for helping me learn to love myself when I didn’t think I could. With everything I grew up internalizing about my lack of worth, that is the greatest gift that anyone or anything could have ever given me.
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Poetry Corner
We encourage someone to submit a poem each edition!
Ephemeral Fragility
Dan C.
When I think of your inner beauty, I wonder why you don’t see it?
As I watch you rush around, I wonder if you know the positive impact others get from you?
As you share your pain, I hope if you know how to find solace in supporting others?
When you’re sad, I hope you know how your spirits will lift when you lift others
When you complain, I wonder if you know how that brings you down?
I wonder why you waste energy trying to control others and if you’ll ever find serenity of acceptance
I wonder if you’ll ever learn that forgiveness is about taking care of yourself
I wonder if you’ll ever find happiness if you define happiness by those not available to you…
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Announcements
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Opportunities for Newsletter Submission
As members of SLAA, you have the opportunity to contribute to our local Intergroup newsletters, as well as the fellowship-wide newsletter. Read on for more information.
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Contribute to GREAT FACT
GREAT FACT—what you are reading at this very minute—is the newsletter for the Greater Chicago–Milwaukee Intergroup.
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We're prepping for publication for the next few months and looking for the following submissions:
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Essays
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Fiction
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Poetry
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Artwork
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Photography
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Upcoming themes (deadline):​
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February: "Sobriety Resolutions! A New You in a New Year.” (January 15)
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March: “Winchester Cathedral Moments: Three Appearances in Bill’s Story: Spiritual Experiences” (February 15)
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To submit, please send an email to mailroom@slaachicago.org with the subject line "Newsletter Submission." Please feel free to send us something outside of the themes above, and we’ll slot it in when appropriate. Thanks!
Contribute to West Chicago Intergroup Newsletter
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Our friends in the West Chicago Intergroup invite members to contribute to their newsletter to share their experience, strength, and hope. According to Mark K., "Writing an article for our newsletter is one way you can serve yourself and others." For more information, email pcomind@gmail.com or visit the West Chicago Intergroup website.
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Contribute to the Fellowship-Wide Newsletter: Journal
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​The Journal is SLAA’s fellowship-wide newsletter, which goes out to fellows around the world.
The Journal seeks submissions for the “Question of the Day” for upcoming issues (deadline):
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May/June: "Combating Negativity" How do you quiet the negative voices in your head and have a more positive outlook? (March 15)
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July/August: "ABM Issue, Practicing Principles over Personalities" How do you practice principles over personalities in relationships during polarizing political/social climates? (May 15)
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September/October: "Anorexia and Acting Out: Two Sides of the Same Coin" Please describe any experiences that have shown you that anorexia and acting out can be regarded as two parts of the same thing (sex and love addiction). These problems may seem unrelated but they are really two sides of the same coin. (July 15)
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November/December: "Thank You, AA" Please take this opportunity to express gratitude for what the founders of AA/Al-Anon have gifted to the planet, as adapted by SLAA. (Sept. 15)
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Submit responses or other contributions to www.slaafws.org/journalsubmit.
To subscribe to the Journal or read the current issue, please click here.
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Thank You from Intergroup
The Chicago-Milwaukee Intergroup would like to express gratitude to the following groups for their contributions, as reported at the November meeting:
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St. Hedwig’s: $125.52
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Tuesday Noon: $15.00
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Evanston Thursday: $40.00
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These contributions help with Intergroup operations so we can continue to carry the message. Thank you!
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Upcoming Events
No events have been scheduled at this time, but we'll announce them when they are.
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SLAA Online Text-Only Chat
Those who need an additional resource in their SLAA recovery are invited to SLAA Online text-only chat recovery fellowship. Find more information by visiting the SLAA website, slaaonline.org, or by emailing slaaonline@yahoo.com.
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Recovery Music
Anonymous
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In this regular contribution to the newsletter, I, a huge music fan, draw from a recovery playlist I have to recommend songs around a certain theme or by a certain artist related to recovery, spirituality, being present, having fun, dancing, being yourself, being in community, and so on, or just songs that make you feel good with their grooves.
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This month's recovery music spotlight is on the all–African American, all-female a cappella group Sweet Honey in the Rock. Their unusual blend of voices always brings a smile to my face, whether they're singing about God and spirituality or raising their voices in support of outside issues. The songs on my recovery playlist include "Gratitude," "I Remember, I Believe," "Breaths," "Beatitudes," and "We Shall Not Be Moved."
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If you're interested in learning more about my recovery playlist and what's on it, contact the SLAA newsletter and they can get in touch with me.
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Me? A Love Addict? Pshaw!
Kyle T.
Self love is an interesting topic this month. Since I am a person who is self centered in the extreme, completely obsessed with myself and the trajectory of my life, it’s hard for me to think I don’t have a love for myself—especially with the complete lack of sympathy or acceptance of my shortcoming and current status. I have tremendously high expectations of myself, nearly impossible goals, and I hold myself up to severe scrutiny. My perception of my glaring faults makes it hard for me to love myself, and because of that, I have a hard time with anyone else loving me for who I am.
A longstanding pattern of mine is having a mystical type of infatuation with someone, thinking they’d never be interested in me, and longing for them from afar. I’ve experienced the shift in perception when said person actually does take an interest in me. It’s like, at that point, I can no longer hold them at some untouchable level—that there must also be something inherently wrong and positively revolting about them if they indeed liked someone like me. How could someone possibly ever want a loser like me?
But you all loved me. And still do. No matter how far down the scale I fall. And believe me, I’ve been pretty darn far down there. Always to be welcomed back. Thank God for that. That’s true grace. I don’t deserve grace. That’s why God is so good. He forgives and loves us all, no matter our offenses.
I had an interesting experience with the Love part of my addiction recently. Someone caught the attention of my eye, and without any power to resist, I pursued. I’ve always considered myself to be one to tip the scales heavily on the Sex part of my sex and love addiction, since I’ve almost prided myself on being especially callous and cold—but the reality is, I’m weak and pathetic when it comes to my love addiction.
I have noticed that the people who don’t think they have the L part of the addiction are the ones who suffer from it the most. The pain I experienced around this person was palpable, even without any physical activity whatsoever. All she did was show me a glimmer of interest and I was set off down a dark and lonely path. I was reminded of a line from p. 34 of the Big Book: “Many of us felt that we had plenty of character. There was a tremendous urge to cease forever. Yet we found it impossible. This is the baffling feature of [sex and love addiction] as we know it – this utter inability to leave it alone, no matter how great the necessity or the wish.” I felt the mania and insanity before a three-day long cocaine binge (which I will tell you is about as insane a thing as I’ve ever experienced).
I instantly craved and coveted this person. I was high. I found myself rearranging my days so that I could have chance encounters. I pondered and pontificated before the phone, wondering if I should text or reach out. Queuing in a text then deleting it, waiting to see if she was queuing up a text on the other side (iPhone has little ellipses to alert this activity). I searched social media. I found myself quickly losing my grip on reality and spiraling downward into the abyss of love addiction. I had forgotten how deadly it was.
Soon enough I’m mincing words and framing things to vindicate my plans. I’m playing this game with myself most of all. My closest friends tell me they’ve noticed a change in me. Everything she does, every movement, every media post, every word, affects me, affronts me, and I die a little more inside of desperation.
I was reminded of a line from a book about Hell: “Love, which in gentlest hearts will soonest bloom, seized [me] with passion for that sweet body, from which I was torn unshriven to my doom. Love, which permits no loved one not to love, took me so strongly with delight in [her], that we are one in Hell, as we were above.”
I know the word Hell evokes a lot of antipathy, but I can’t think of any other word to better describe it. I hardly knew this person. In fact, I disliked many of her qualities. But I forced myself. For some reason, I felt I had to force myself. Luckily, sanity dawned through my honesty, and I was able to turn away before anything happened. But what an ordeal. I am, without a doubt, a love addict.
This proves to me that I barely understand what kind of love they’re talking about, but I know it’s not the obsessive infatuation I was experiencing. Love is brotherhood and sisterhood, a fellowship and a kinship. That’s why we warmly welcome the newcomer. That’s why we welcome back with arms wide open the recently relapsed. Our very lives depend on giving, and receiving, love from our fellows. That comes before any kind of quality romantic love.
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What Is Love
Aimee A.
We will love you until you love yourself.
The mantra was meaningless to me. Before I came to program, I’d always heard No one can love you unless you love yourself first, and this Twelve-Step phrase ran counter to that. The one thing I’d come to realize when I entered the rooms was that I didn’t love myself. If I didn’t love myself, how could anyone love me?
But as I began to go to meetings and work the Steps, my take on love began to change.
Before, I viewed love as a salve, a balm that would take away all my troubles and flaws. I believed in the big, all-encompassing love that I heard about in Motown songs, a love that was worth begging for, a love that was worth throwing away everything for. A love that would make everything all right.
That is not love.
Love does not sweep you off your feet. It helps steady them so you can learn to walk. Love is support, love is companionship. Love is showing someone you think they are okay just as they are, warts and all.
That’s what I found in the rooms. I’d always had a sneaking suspicion that we were all worthy of love, no matter what we thought of ourselves. I’d always hoped that someone would see the things I did, not as actions to be despised or repulsed by, but as the decisions made by someone for whom that was the best she knew to do.
I saw that in the stories people told about what they struggled with in the past, and what they struggled with currently. I heard the message loud and clear the first time I heard someone in the rooms say, I am always afraid, and that is okay. I saw it every time someone confessed to a relapse, and instead of being shunned, they were embraced.
Love, I discovered, is acceptance.
That song by the Beatles, “All You Need Is Love,” was once the motto of my life. All I needed in this life was love, more specifically, someone to love me, unconditionally and endlessly, and I would be okay. I could face whatever came my way. And it didn’t matter how selfish or self-seeking I was, because if someone loved me, that made it okay. I must be enough if I’m enough to be loved. Love validated me.
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But knowing more about where the Beatles were when they wrote that song, and more about what love really is, I see that my interpretation of that song was wrong. “All You Need Is Love” is not about the love I take, but about the love I give. All I need is to see the world, to interpret the world through love. If I simply accept the world and the people in it as it is—that’s love—and if I can do that, I’ll be okay.
There's nothing you can know that isn't known
Nothing you can see that isn't shown
There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be
It's easy
All you need is love
Love is a choice, and so are selfishness, fear, greed, cynicism. I choose love.
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They Loved Me So I Could Love Others
Vince R.
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When I was new to SLAA, I started going to a Saturday night meeting. I didn't have many friends at the time, so being with other people on the weekend was nicer than staying home alone. After the meeting, group members went out for fellowship to have dinner and talk informally. The meeting chairperson would read the "fellowship" part of the script every week, saying, "All are welcome to attend fellowship". But I wouldn't go. I believed, in some way, that I didn't feel worthy of going. Having fun after the meeting with fellows was, in my mind, for everyone else but me. I really wanted to go, but wasn't willing to take the chance. What if nobody liked me or paid attention to me? (Not surprisingly, I also felt superior to everyone else at the same time, but this was just a mask for my low self-esteem. I would flip from "I wish I could have fun with them" to "I don't need them! They're fake anyways!") Then one night, someone at the meeting asked me if I was going to fellowship. I said "yes", came along, and had a really nice time. I kept going, and over time became more friendly with people in the meeting. Some of us even fellowshipped apart from the meeting. It was the first time I felt part of the "we" of the SLAA fellowship—rather than staying stuck in "me—" and it felt good. Today, fellowship is an important part of my recovery.
Another example happened during my first couple years in SLAA, when I had difficulty staying sexually sober. I would sometimes grind out month or two of white knuckle-style "sobriety", but on more days than not I acted out with pornography and masturbation, and sometimes delved back into dating websites. In hindsight, I see that those were my ways of dealing with feelings that I didn't like—an escape from the discomfort of living life on life's terms. During this time, I had the fear that my sponsor would eventually stop working with me if I didn't stay sober. But my fears were never realized. He encouraged me to be rigorously honest about my acting out. I didn't have to get sober right away, he said, but I did owe it to myself and others to tell the truth. I took his advice and told him every time I acted out. It was not fun to admit this, but it became clear over time that I was beating myself up about it more than he was. I persisted, one day at a time, in being honest, and he continued to show up for me.
Several months into a very dark time of almost daily acting out, something amazing happened. I suddenly realized that part of the reason I acted out was because I believed that sobriety was for everyone else—not me. I didn't deserve to be sober, I thought. When this idea came, I had my first experience of conscious contact with my higher power. It felt like something shifted in my mind—my vision distorted for a moment. I suddenly and unexpectedly came into acceptance that my beliefs weren't true. I felt like I had the choice to be sober, and to believe I deserved it. That day, and for many days after, I said to myself, "I deserve to be sober." I stopped acting out with porn and masturbation and stopped entertaining ideas of returning to dating websites. For the first time in a long time, I felt hope and believed that I could have a better life.
I wish I would tell you that this feeling stayed with me, but it ended up being a pink cloud that wore off after a few weeks. The joy of feeling God in my life began to wane, and I moved into the more challenging aspect of sobriety—staying sexually sober even when I don't feel much of God's presence. Since that time I've had a lot of challenging days when I haven't loved myself (or others) very much, but I never let go of my conviction that I deserve to be sober and have a better life. This was a gift that I couldn't give myself—it had to come from my higher power.
Today I'm working on loving others until they love themselves. It's not easy, because I'm spiritually arrogant and believe others should be where I want them to be (this is part of my disease). But I'm getting better at it, day by day, with the continued help of sponsors (past and present) who love me despite my shortcomings.
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Greater Chicago/Milwaukee SLAA Intergroup
Meeting Minutes
Saturday, November 17, 2018
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Attendance
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Chair: Hannah, RFG and St. Hedwig
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Outreach: Kelly, Solution in the Suburbs
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Inreach: Vince, RFG
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Treasurer: Anthony, RFG and Tuesday NTAC
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Newsletter Liaison: Kyle, RFG
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Reps:
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Tami, Solution in the Suburbs
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William, Sun night Evanston
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Bill, St. Hedwig
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Christie, Wednesday Women’s Meeting
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Chairperson Report
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ABM Report: There are 16 committees in the SLAA Conference that can be joined by SLAA members. The FWS website has more info for those who want to be of service.
Fiduciary Report
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Anthony considering aligning treasurer report with bank statement schedule
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Current balance: $6017.30
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Less prudent reserve and anticipated costs: $307.30
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IG’s PO box currently under name of a fellow who no longer lives in Illinois; box location is inconvenient
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Discussion was held regarding box location, and considering moving box based on who is currently Treasurer
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Motion made to approve this:
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Y - 7, N - 0, A - 1
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Motion passes
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Treasury Report
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Starting Balance Oct. 14, 2018: $5303.08
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Credits
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Fall Gathering - Revenue (not final) +$460.00
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7th Tradition contributions
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St. Hedwig’s Sat. a.m. 11/16/18 +$95.52
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Tuesday Noon 10/30/18 +$15.00
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St. Hedwig’s Sat. a.m. 10/20/18 +$30.00
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Evanston Thursday a.m. 10/17/18 +$40.00
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Debits -$0.0
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Act. Current Balance (11/16/18) $6017.30
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Accounting Balance* $5943.60
*NOTE: Some Credits carried over from previous mo. Act. Actual Balance listed is accurate and current.
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Venmo Transfers
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Transfer 10/17/18 $149.00
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Transfer 10/18/18 $40.00
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Transfer 11/16/18 $430.00
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Prudent Reserve of $2510.00:
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Rent - one year ($360.00)
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P.O. Box ($200.00)
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Website ($150.00)
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Retreat Reserve Self Supporting ($1800.00)
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Anticipated Costs 2019: 2 Annual Business Meeting Delegates ($3,200.00)
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Total: $5710.00
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Subtracting Prudent Reserve and Anticipated Costs from Act. Balance: +$307.30
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In-Reach Report
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Motion made that Kyle be approved as IG newsletter co-editor
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Y - 7, N - 0, A - 01
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Motion passes
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Game Night update
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Event set for Friday, Nov 30th, 7-10 p.m. at Home Run Inn pizza
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Event closed—only open to S fellowship members
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Bill put down $100 deposit
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Event recommends $10 donation, plus a basket for extra donations
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Fall Gathering
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Accounting not yet finalized, but estimates provided
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Revenue: $1240
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Expenses: ~$750
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Donation to IG: ~$500
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Event was successful and many people stepped up to be of service
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Motion made to approve Tami as 2019 Fall Gathering Co-chair
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Y - 8, N - 0, A - 0 -
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Fun Fundraiser: Anthony surveyed group about whether we would prefer a venue that is more upscale or traditional 12-step (e.g., church)
Outreach Report
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No report
New Business
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Procedures for new officers needed, clarification of officer positions needed
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Vince volunteered to update Bylaws and role descriptions
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We are considering rejoining with Chicago West IG
Meeting Representative Announcements
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Contributions to IG
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Reps for IG
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Game Night
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Fall Gathering survey
The next meeting was confirmed for Saturday, December 15, 2018.
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All SLAA members are welcome to attend Intergroup meetings, which typically take place the third Saturday of each month, at 8 am at St. Hedwig's Church, 2246 N Hoyne Ave, Chicago.
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The Importance of Staying in the Present
Bruce P.
There are several principles of the program—some from the literature and some I’ve just heard in the rooms—that I live by and I believe are central to recovery. The first is from the book Alcoholics Anonymous. It says that the alcoholic is beset by two difficulties. One is that once s/he takes in any alcohol, the body of the alcoholic craves more and more alcohol. This would not be a problem were it not for number two: the alcoholic has an obsession of the mind that drives her or him to take a drink in the first place. I believe these two factors are at work in the sex and love addict as well.
My acting out begins with an obsession of the mind. It is usually either euphoric recall from the past or fantasy about the future. Euphoric recall is remembering past acting out behaviors with a filter that screens out the degradation, shame, guilt, danger and other negative aspects of the event and leads to a high based on this rosy view of the event. Since it is a form of remembering, when I am in euphoric recall I am not in the present. Fantasy about the future for me usually means imagining acting out with someone – never my wife – that I’ve acted out with before. It too yields a high that is devoid of the negative aspects of the liaison. Again, when fantasizing about the future, I am not in the present. These are the obsessions of my mind. Both of these can and do lead to obsessive/compulsive behavior which I cannot seem to stop, such as acting out with myself or coming dangerously close to acting out with someone else. Once begun, the physical craving leads me deeper and deeper in violating my other bottom line behaviors.
A member the other day stated that his acting out behavior comes on him without warning. I agreed with him, but then changed my mind. I realized that there are warnings such as the beginning of euphoric recall or fantasy. I just miss them or “choose” to ignore them. I have to be especially aware of what I am thinking and feeling as warning signs that the obsession of the mind is still alive and well.
The second principle I try to adhere to is that the program is all about separating emotions from thoughts. I then need to identify and feel the emotions. My behavior needs to be rooted in sober, mature thought. The words “acting out” come from and mean “physically acting out my emotions.” The key for me on this is that I need to identify and feel the emotions. Identifying them is not – by itself – enough. I need to actually feel the feelings. When I do, the feeling usually dissipates relatively quickly. I had a spiritual experience years ago when I was in the obsessive/compulsive phase of acting out. This one time, I knew I didn’t want to. I lay down (horizontally) on the couch and repeated over and over, “What am I feeling? What am I feeling?” I had a vision of me as a small baby being lowered onto an infinite expanse of skin. The feeling defined the word “security.” I knew it was a birthing experience and was very important. I also knew that my acting out in large part stemmed from insecurity. I also note that that day, I did not act out.
Today, I repeat “What am I feeling?” over and over when I am praying, meditating and/or in potential trouble with acting out. It has become my mantra. I note that the fact that I was lying down also seems to have been important. I have added, “What am I thinking?” and “What are my values?” to that mantra, because I want to try to keep my mind clear on my goals in the program. I note first that I can only feel feelings in the present. I can’t feel feelings of yesterday; nor can I feel tomorrow’s feelings. Whatever I’m feeling, I’m feeling it NOW. I also note again that feeling the feelings rapidly dissipates the need to act out. Am I feeling lonely? That’s OK. I’m not alone in life, I’m just alone now. That’s solitude. Am I angry? That’s OK. Perhaps I need to express it and I certainly need to honor it. Am I afraid? Of what? Often identifying the fear and realizing I’m not really in danger makes it go away.
A third principle of the program for me is that surrender is key. I have to give up to get sobriety. And I have to surrender now, not yesterday and not tomorrow. When I decided – before recovery – not to kill myself, I totally surrendered. I gave up. I knew I couldn’t live that way anymore. And I knew I didn’t know how to live life. That’s what led me to the door of suicide. That surrender lasted for about two years. For two years I did what others told me. I followed directions. But I wasn’t stupid. I told a doctor and he put me into therapy. That therapy was useless. (I’ve since had great therapy). I heard about 12 Step Programs and wanted to talk to someone about that. That got me into treatment. There I was told to get a sponsor and go to lots of meetings. I did. I was told to work the steps and I made a start. That kept me going in program for years. I often say that I missed the day of school when they handed out the book on how to live life. The 12 Steps gave me the way to live life and I grabbed onto them and held on for dear life. And I still do. But my ego reasserted itself and I began getting ideas that I could run my life: my surrender withered with the rebirth of my ego. So today, I pray for God’s help in surrendering twice every day (plus during incidental prayers). My surrender has to be in the present.
That’s the basis for “One Day at a Time.” Or one hour at a time or one minute at a time. I can surrender – have the willingness to let God run my life – only in the present. The fact that I surrendered last year or might surrender tomorrow doesn’t matter. I have to have that willingness NOW. I have to stay in the present.
Another principle of the program is that self-knowledge avails me nothing. I know that my acting out behavior is rooted in the childhood sexual abuse I suffered, in the alcoholism of my family of origin, in my obsessive sexual behavior as a child, in the stress of Vietnam combat and other experiences I went through. None of that matters. I have this disease. That’s what I’m powerless over, but I’m not helpless. If I stay in the present to the best of my ability and practice the principles of the program, I can be sober for today.
If I seek sobriety, maturity, serenity, acceptance, patience and all the other things we are all looking for, they are various aspects of staying in the present. It doesn’t mean I don’t plan for the future and carry out deadlines; it means I do these things in the present, one day at a time. If I stay in touch with my feelings, letting go and letting God, I can stay sober, one moment, one day at a time.
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Thank you for reading!
Coming in February: "Sobriety Resolutions! A New You in a New Year"
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